Caged
by XionTheBlackRose
Summary: All Roxas wants is to fade away so know one will care about him, because if someone cares, that means they will get involved in his life. That's the last thing he wants because he doesn't want people to know his father is an abusive drunk, but Axel finds out. Axel tries to help, but Roxas keeps him at bay at every chance. Can Axel save Roxas before he ends up just like Ventus?
1. What We Want

"I don't want people to know me. I don't want anyone to remember who I once was. I want to fade into the background and stay there. My life is nothing special, I'm nothing to brag about. I want to be forgotten in the light of someone else. I am a caged bird, and that is how I want to stay. My name is Roxas, and this is what I want," I read off a slip of paper before the class.

Professor Braig nods thoughtfully, "Hm, well, wasn't that certainly something, everybody?"

No one was saying anything. I sigh, "Can I go sit down now?"

The Professor nods, "Take a seat kid. Okay, next to read their 'Want' poem is Sora."

I move to my seat and as I do Seifer smirks, "Loser" and all his friends laugh. I roll my eyes and walk past them. I take my seat right as Sora gets to the front of the classroom. My best friend Axel pats my back, "I thought that was pretty good. A lot of people want to be somebody."

"Why would I ever want that? The last thing I'd want is for someone to be getting into my private business," I sigh.

Axel nods, "That makes sense."

"What's yours say?" I ask.

He smirks, "You'll have to wait till it's my turn."

I roll my eyes and smile slightly, "Sure, whatever."

He chuckles, "Ever so nice, aren't you, Rox?"

I sigh and lay my head down, "I have such a headache.."

"Need somethin' for it?" Axel asks.

I look at him, "I thought you quit that?"

He smirks lightly, "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

I sigh, "You're an idiot, sometimes."

"So you keep saying," he smirks and kicks my chair.

"You should listen to me more, then," I lay down again.

He chuckles, "Wouldn't you like that?"

"Yeah, I would," I say.

He chuckles again and I bring my attention back to the front of the class. I listen as the rest of the class give their poems, but the only one that really interests me is Namine's: _"I want to be free; Free to be me, and to do what I love. I want to be remembered for my passions, not just who I was, but what I did. I want people to remember me for who I am, really. Not for who they think I was. I just want to be me. My name is Namine, and I want to be free."_

_To be free is a hoax. Freedom doesn't exist._ I smile slightly, "That was.. Nice."

"You think?" Axel replies, "'Cause I thought it was too deep."

"You think everything with real feeling is too deep," I say.

He groans, "Oh, shut it."

I shake my head, "I'm going to sleep."

* * *

><p>"Dad, I'm home," I say, coming into the living room. I look around, but find him nowhere. Cloud comes out of the kitchen, a bottle in hand. I frown, "How many have you had?"<p>

He glares at me, "None of your business, brat."

I sigh, "Dad, you know that stuff isn't good for you."

He comes up to me and smacks me across the face, knocking my head to the side. He says gruffly, "Don't try to tell me what's good for me, kid. Last time I checked, I'm the adult."

I look back at him, "Yeah, I know.."

He pushes me and I fall. He steps over me, "Go do your homework or somethin' and get out of my sight."

I frown and get up, picking my backpack up off the floor. I head for the stairs, but stop. I turn to my father, "When was the last time you went to work?"

He glares at me, "That's not your problem. Get lost!"

Cloud throws a cup at me and I duck. It smashes against the wall where my head was. I look at him, wide-eyed, "Are you out of your mind?! That could have killed me!"

"You want me to try an' kill you?" he laughs, "I'll try an' kill you."

He takes a swig from the bottle and sets it down. He turns to me and grins. I gasp and rush up the stairs as he comes after me. I get to the top and as I'm about to turn the corner, he grabs bag and yanks backwards. We both go tumbling down the stairs. I gasp when my head hits the wall. I groan and sit up, then stand seeing he's getting up, too.

"Damn brat, you knocked me down," he growls.

"No, I didn't!" I say, running back up the stairs again.

Again, he follows me and I groan, _My backpack's down there._ I ignore that thought and run for my room, but again, he catches me. He slams me into the wall, "Gotcha, brat!"

"Let go," I say.

He smacks me again, "Don't tell me what to do."

"You're drunk.." I groan, trying to get away from him, but he keeps me there and he smacks me again, "Shut up, will you?!"

I gasp as blood fills my mouth, _I bit my tongue. _He chuckles and throws me to the floor. I cough and blood hits the carpet from where I was holding it in. I cough again and sit up, turning back to my father. He glares down at me, "Got somethin' else to say, kid?"

I shake my head slowly and he smirks, "What? Are you afraid of me? That hurts, Roxas."

_No, it doesn't. Stop it, don't say anything, it won't help you. _I just stare at him. He chuckles again and kicks me in the stomach. I grunt and cough as he kicks me over and over. Finally he stops and then he laughs at me, "Had enough? Keep your mouth shut next time."

He goes back downstairs and I sit up slowly. I stand and lean against the wall, staring at the floor, waiting for the spots I'm seeing to go away. After they do, I sneak back downstairs, and finding my dad isn't around there, I grab my bag and head back to my room. I go in and close the door behind me. I sigh and sit on my bed, "Might as well do my homework now.."


	2. Keeping Secrets

"Hey, are you okay, man? You don't look so good," Axel says.

I frown, "I'm fine, I've just been having a hard time sleeping, is all."

He frowns then, "Something going on at home?"

I shake my head, "Nope, just up late studying."

"Well, then at least you should pass Saix's test; You know, the one we're having _next_ week. Gonna lie again, Rox?" Axel's eyes narrow.

I sigh, "Nothing's going on, Axel. I _was_ studying, just not very much."

I grin sheepishly and he asks, "So, it's the nightmares, then?"

My frown deepens, "Can we just avoid that conversation?"

He sighs, "Roxas, I really think you aught to see someone about what your brother's death is doing to you."

"He died two years ago, Axel, let it go," I say, "I have."

"Like hell you have. Roxas, Ventus was my friend, too," he replies, grabbing my arm, "I _know_ you're still hurting."

"This isn't about him," I pull my arm from him and he stares at me, "Then what is it about?"

I sigh and look away from my best friend, "I can't tell you."

He groans and walks past me, "Have it your way, then."

I sigh and follow after him, "Axel, wait."

"What?" he asks, not looking at me.

I frown, "I know you're mad, but-"

"Mad? No, I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. We promised to stop keeping secrets from each other after The Larxene Thing," he replies, "So, I spill my guts, but your pain's not accessible? That's not fair, Rox."

I groan, _The Larxene Thing, how can I forget? _Larxene got Axel into a lot of problems. She had him on drugs and selling them, too. Axel almost went to jail on many accounts because of that girl. She's a whore, she was all over Axel, and everyone else she came in contact with. But not me, of course, I wasn't her type. I was _Little Boy Rox._ What a joke those people were, how could Axel have ever been friends?

Larxene broke up with Axel because he stopped selling her dope, and when she got into selling it, she got busted first round. She blames Axel, and I know he really liked her, but he's swore off her and her drugs. That's a good thing, he really doesn't need to be getting into that stuff again. It almost destroyed him as a person. Why do people openly accept such horrors? Drugs, alcohol? It's all the same: It causes pain to everyone around you.

After she went to jail, Axel and I promised to never keep things from each other. But that was before my mom left, and my dad started drinking, and my brother drowned in the pond behind our house. That promise was before my world ended, and I don't want anyone, even Axel, knowing what my real life is like. I can't afford anyone to know, they'll want to get involved, and I can't have that, either.

"Roxas?" Axel asks.

I look at him, "What?"

"Still not gonna tell me what's on your mind, huh?" he sighs, "Should have known."

"Axel, stop that. You know I don't fall for stuff like that," I say.

He sighs then grins, "Had to try. Now, are you ready for my poem in class?"

I sigh and smile, "Sure, can't wait."

* * *

><p>"I want remembrance. To be remembered is to be eternal. If someone remembers you, you can never fade away, you'll always be alive, with that person. To have people remember you, is to have your life keep going, even if you're no longer there. Remembrance is eternal. I am Axel, so remember me, got it memorized?" Axel grins.<p>

Braig smiles, "Well, I certainly enjoyed that one. Sit down, now, Axel."

Axel takes his seat behind me and kicks my chair, "So, what did you think?"

"It was really good," I reply, "Really_ really_ good."

He smiles, "Awesome."

I chuckle softly, and Braig starts talking, "Now that all the poems have been read, hand them all up, it's grading time." We do this, and he continues, "Now that this project is over, it's time to start reading."

Groans fill the room and Braig laughs, "It's not that bad!"

* * *

><p>I look for Axel at lunch and I end up running into Namine. She gasps, dropping her lunch bag, "I-I'm sorry!"<p>

I shrug, picking it up and handing it back for her, "It's no problem."

She smiles softly, taking the bag, "Thanks."

"Hey, Namine!"

I turn to see Seifer making his way over here. I frown and Namine smiles shyly, "Hi, Seifer."

He comes over and puts an arm around her, "This guy bothering you?"

"Not at all," she replies.

He nods, "Good," then he kisses her on the mouth and she backs up, "Seifer.."

"What?" he frowns, grabbing her shoulder with the arm that's leaning on her and he pulls her back to him and he kisses her again, "You like it, don't you?"

She pushes at him, "Seifer, not here."

I frown and he kisses her again, holding her against him. She grunts and tries to push him again, "Stop it..!"

I grab Seifer's arm and pull him back slightly. He glares at me then pushes me, knocking me down, "Get out of here, brat!"

I stand, "Leave her alone, Seifer."

He grins and releases her, turning to me, "And if I don't? What are you going to do? Make me?"

"Yes," I reply, more bravely than I felt.

He grins, "That so, loser? We'll just see won't we? I'll make sure you know to stay away from my girlfriend."

"Maybe you should stay away from her," I say.

His grin turns to a growl, "Don't get stupid, loser."

I frown, "She obviously doesn't want you hanging all over her, so why don't you stop it?"

He snarls, walking towards me, the next thing I know, he's in front of me, his fist in my shirt, and he lifts me off the ground, "Gonna make me? _Loser?_"


	3. What's Wrong With Me?

I want to tell him "Yes, I will make you," but I'm not that strong. I want to help Namine, but now I can't help myself. This is what I get for trying to play hero and now he's going to beat me up. Not how I wanted my day to go, but I guess you reap what you sew. He snarls and draws back to punch me. I stare him in the eye and glare back, I don't even make a sound when the hit connects to my face. Damn, it hurt though.

"If you beg for forgiveness, I might just let you leave with your face still intact," he sneers.

_No way in hell am I begging for shit from him._ I look at him and just glare, refusing to give him what he wants. He grunts then punches me again. I try my best to keep my expression neutral, but I guess I failed this time, given how Seifer laughs at me, "Does that hurt enough, Roxie?"

I grunt and glare at him, "Don't call me that."

"Why not?" he laughs and hits me again.

I can't tell how bad I look right now, but I don't care, sure this hurts, but now I"m just getting annoyed. Roxie is a girl's name, and I'm not a freaking girl! I lift my hands and I push on him, trying to break his hold, and when that doesn't work, I bring my leg up and high as I can, and I kick. He yelps and drops me, stumbling back. I land on my back and quickly scramble up.

_I'm going to really get it now._ I hadn't noticed the ring of surrounding students, and when I scanned their faces, I couldn't find Namine, or even one of my friends, not that I have many. I look back to Seifer and he growls at me, "I'll make you pay for that!"

_Where's a teacher when you need one?_ I stand fully and swallow, staring back at him, _Yup. He's going to kill me now._ He comes at me and he punches me square in the face. I gasp in pain and stumble back, into the crowd, and they push me right back into the ring, where Seifer punches me again. The impact lands me on the floor, on my back. _Again._

I stand again, wearily. My legs are shaking lightly, and my vision's becoming a little blurry. But nonetheless, I face Seifer again. He grabs my shirt again and he frowns, glaring at me, "This'll teach you to ever hit me again, or mess with Namine."

He reels back to hit me again and I just stare at him. If he's going to kill me, I'm going out like I'm not afraid of death. He swings his fist, and just before it connects with my face, it stops. I blink and look to my left, noticing the hand that's stopping Seifer's punch. My eyes widen and I gasp, "Axel?"

Axel grunts and pushes Seifer away from me, making him release my shirt. He then moves in front of me, "You like picking on the younger kids, Seifer?"

Seifer grumbles and stands and Axel growls, "What was that?"

"I said fuck off!" Seifer spits.

Axel's eyes narrow, "Want me to rip that tongue out for you?"

Seifer frowns and wipes his mouth, for what, I don't know. Axel didn't even hit him. He then smirks, "Later, losers," and he leaves. I frown, _Who's the coward now?_ The crowd disperses at Seifer's leave, and I look around again for Namine, but she still isn't there. I frown, then sigh, and then Axel turns on me, "Are you crazy? _Insane_, maybe? Do you want a death wish? Why'd you pick a fight with Seifer?"

I swallow and frown, "I.. I didn't."

"It sure as hell didn't look that way," he grunts, "Roxas, what's going on? You know better than to start fights, given you have no fighting skills whatsoever."

I sigh, "Axel, I didn't start the fight. Seifer was messing with this girl and I told him to leave her alone, that's all. I didn't want to fight him."

Axel sighs, his eyes softening, "Well, a fight's what you got. What would have happened if I hadn't come to your rescue?"

"I'd be dead?" I halfheartedly joke.

Axel lets a small smirk by and he shakes his head, leading me from the lunchroom, "Let's just make you presentable, you still have classes to attend, you know."

I smile softly, "Right.." and let him lead me to the boy's room. He pulls me to the sink and he wets a paper towel. While he does this, I stare into the mirror and frown at what I see. the right side of my face is red and almost swollen and the left side has two big bruises on it, my nose is bleeding, and my bottom lip is busted. My right eye is turning purple, too. I sigh and look away. Axel puts a hand under my chin and moves my face gently towards him.

He smiles lightly at me, "It's not that bad."

He takes the wet paper and gently dabs at my broken face. I frown, "No, it is. I look horrible."

He chuckles softly, "Even without this, you still think you look bad. Don't be so mean to yourself. You look fine."

I blush lightly and frown, _Why am I blushing? He's just trying to make me feel better.. So, why can't I stop blushing?_ He continues to dab the wet paper on my face, trying to help, "You know, maybe you should just keep to yourself a little."

"I already do that, and it never helps," I frown, "Not like it would, everyone picks on me anyway."

"I won't let them," he replies.

I pull back and glare at him, "I don't need you to take care of me, I'm not a kid, Axel."

He sighs, throwing the paper away, "Roxas, don't shut me out, now. Come on, you know I'm just trying to help you."

I frown, looking away, "I know, and I don't want help."

The bell rings and I pivot and head back into the hall. Axel calls after me, but I keep going. I sigh and head for my locker, _What is happening to me?_


	4. I'm Not Okay

_I'm certainly going crazy. There's no way I actually like Axel. No way, no way at all. I must be suffering some kind of illness. Yeah, that must be it. I'm just crazy._ I sigh, walking down the hallway, heading for the buses so I can go home. I look around, trying to keep an eye out for Seifer, I don't want another fight with him. I'm also avoiding Axel, since I have no idea what to tell him about my freak-out earlier.

"Roxas!" Axel shouts.

_Damn._ I try to walk faster but Axel grabs my arm, "Hey.."

I turn, pulling my arm from him, "What do you want? I'm going to miss my bus."

"We ride the same bus, Rox," he says, walking beside me.

I choose to ignore him and he frowns, staring me down. I glare at him, "What are you staring at? I know I look horrible."

He frowns, "Roxas, are you okay? I know you're hurt, but don't get mad at me for nothing. I'm not the one who picked a fight with the biggest jerk in school."

"I didn't pick that fight!" I groan, "Leave me alone!"

I start running until I find my bus and I get on, going to the back of the bus. I sigh and lean against the window, closing my eyes. _Why can't people just let me be a shadow on the wall and leave me alone? _I open my eyes to find Axel sitting beside me. He looks at me, his expression unreadable. I frown and look back out the window. I dig my IPod out of my backpack and turn it on, slipping ear buds in.

Trying to drown out everything with moderately loud rock songs, hoping to just be left alone until I get home. Perfect plan, listen to music to keep from thinking of anything, but that's not what I get. Because I can't just disappear like I want to. Axel taps my shoulder and I pull one of the ear buds out and turn to him, "Yeah..?"

"I'm sorry for snapping at you. I've been on edge lately," he sighs.

I blink slowly, "On edge?"

He nods, "Yeah, Larxene keeps coming by and calling me, and I keep trying to avoid her. It's stressing me out."

I frown, "She wants you to do drugs again?"

He nods, leaning back, closing his eyes, "Yeah, but don't worry, I haven't touched anything."

"I wasn't saying.." I turn to the window, "I believe you."

He yanks on my headphones, "Whatcha listenin' too?"

I look at him and he's grinning slightly now. I smile softly, "Linkin Park."

"Song?" he asks, putting the ear bud I took out in his ear.

I restart the song for him, "In The End."

We listen to the songs on my IPod until my house comes into view and I turn off the device, putting it back in my backpack. Axel moves so I can get out and I wave to him and he waves back. I get off the bus and go inside my house, "Hey, Dad, I'm home."

I look around and the house is dark. I swallow and call out, "Dad? Are you here? Hello?"

No one answers me and I slowly make my way to the stairs, looking around for the light switch. I find the one by the stairs and turn it on. The living room is bathed in light, but it's empty, except for a few empty beer bottles lying on the table. I sigh, "He's probably out buying more." and I head up to my room. I get inside and throw my bag on the bed then head into the bathroom to figure out a way to hide this hideous mess that is my face.

I look through everything I can find, but I still can't find anything to cover my face with. I sigh and head back to my room. I turn my IPod on and listen to music as I do my homework. It takes an hour to finish, and I put everything back the way it was. I move about, cleaning my room, and making my bed. I o downstairs to clean the rest of the house, I'd hate to give Dad a reason to punish me.

It takes another hour and a half to finish all the housework, and I smile, "Great, everything's spotless."

I nod to myself and head back to my room. My phone vibrates and I pick it up off my dresser to find a message from Axel, asking me if I was okay, since I seemed so upset after school. I sigh and text him back that I am and I lay on my bed, "I'm going to take a nap, I think I've deserved at least that." I close my eyes and turn off the light on my dresser, the only light I have in my room, and I sleep.

I'm woke up by the front door slamming. I groan softly and sit up, Dad's back. I sigh and sit up, rubbing my eyes, wincing at the irritation to my black eye. _He's not going to like my face like this. Well, at least I cleaned the house so he can't be too mad. Right?_ I look around, focusing on the alarm clock by my light. It's seven forty-five in the evening. I stand and move to the door, leaning against it, trying to hear out, figure what's going on.

"He should be... Be up... Up in.. His room, yeah?" Dad was saying.

I frown, _He's drunk. Really drunk._ Another man's voice I don't recognize says, "He better be, and he better be good. I'm paying real good money."

"He'll be fine!" Dad replies.

My frown deepens, _Is he talking about me? _

"He better. For a hundred, he better be fuckin' perfect!" the man shouts.

"He'll be j-just f-fine!" Dad says, then something crashes, and he speaks again, "You get 'im for the whole night. So pay.. Pay up!"

I lock the door and back up, eyes wide, "He didn't..."


	5. Betrayal

The door's locked, _I'm safe. I'm safe, right? He can't get through the door, he can't get to me. No one can get to me, I"m safe. I'm safe. I'm safe.._ Someone clambers up the stairs and I swallow, _Dad? Could just be Dad. No, why would it be? He's taking money from some guy who wants to..._ Someone yells as something breaks and I back up, sitting on my bed. I shake my head, trying to keep myself calm. _No, I'm safe. He can't get me. No one can get me. I'm safe. Safe. _

The clambering continues and I grimace wit every step headed my way. _This is not happening, it can't be happening._ The doorknob moves and the stranger says, "It's locked!"

My heart's racing, I'm frozen in place. _This can't happen._

My Dad replies, "Move, I can get it. Always... Have a key."

I shake my head and look for a place to hide. _I don't see one. Under the bed, maybe? No, too risky, I'll be trapped. There's nowhere to hide!_ The door swings open and Dad's standing in the doorway with a man I don't recognize. Dad grins at me, "Have a nice night."

The man walks into the room and smiles, "He's definitely cute, Cloud."

"Told you!" Dad laughs, too loud, and takes a swig of whatever bottle he has in his hand.

I scoot away as the man comes closer. My back's against the wall and I can't stop shaking. _Not safe! Sot safe! Not safe! Not safe! Not safe! Not safe! _The man comes at me quickly, pushing me onto the bed. I struggle against his weight, but he's bigger than me, and keeps me down. I gasp and try to kick him but he straddles me, making my kicking useless because they won't hit anything now. He keeps my hands pinned down with his own and he grins at me, "I hope you'll be as good as you look."

I swallow and keep moving, trying to get up, even though I know I can't. He chuckles and keeps my hands pinned with one of his own, moving my hands over my head and together. With his free hand he lifts the bottom of my shirt.

"No!" I gasp, "Stop!"

He just chuckles, releasing me for a moment to pull my shirt off, then pins me against the bed again. I grunt softly and struggle against him, doing anything I can to get away, but it's hopeless. I can't get him off me. I open my mouth to call Dad for help, but then I stop. _Dad's the one who's letting this guy do this to me. He won't help. Maybe I can scream loud enough to get someone to help me. But we live in the country. The only person even remotely close is Axel, and he lives two miles down. I'm stuck, hopelessly stuck._

The man moves and unbuttons my pants and I try to kick him but he weighs me down. I'm not sure how, but he somehow gets my pants off. I squirm and he smirks at me, "This'll be fun."

He turns me over and I try to crawl away but he has me pinned again in a second. I gasp as something's pushed inside me. I groan and clutch the covers in my fists, clenching my teeth to keep from making a sound. It hurt, but I didn't want him, or Dad, to know it. _I have to get through this. That's all I can do, get through it._ I grip the covers tighter as the pain increases and a moan escapes me.

* * *

><p>"I hate you!" I scream at my Dad as soon as the man who raped me was gone.<p>

Dad stares at me, then he smirks, "Why? I helped you out."

"Helped me?!" I grip my hair, "What the _hell_ told you that was _helping?!_"

Cloud snarls, "Don't talk to me like that!"

He takes his belt off and folds it over. He walks towards me and smacks me with it, knocking me down. He growls, "Ingrate!" and keeps hitting me with it. He hits my chest and stomach, but not my face. The bruises Seifer gave me are just starting to heal and he doesn't want anyone knowing what he does to me, so he hits me everywhere else it can't be seen. It still hurts, this hurts a lot, I've never been hit by a belt.

He hits me repeatedly and I yell , trying to kick him away. He kicks me instead, as hard as he can, sending me rolling. I gasp as I hit the coffee table and I groan, sitting up. He walks over to me and pushes me back tot he floor, my back to him. He hits me again with the belt, harder than before and I scream, my arms shaking as I try to hold myself up.

He continues to hit me with the belt for another hour before he goes into the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge. I sit up slowly, my shirt soaked with sweat, my back and chest in horrible agony, and I look at my father. He's stumbling about the kitchen in a drunken stupor. I stand to go to my room and Dad yells at me, "Where do you th-think.. You're g-going?! Get back... Here!"

"_No!_" I yell, heading for the stairs, "I'm going to my room! I'm going to stay in there! I'm_ tired_! You let that man hurt me and then you beat me with that belt! I'm _exhausted_ and I'm going to _sleep!_"

"I'll put you to sleep," he growls.

My body shakes and I glare at him, my voice soft, but I know he can hear it, "Are you going to kill me now? Like you killed Ventus?"


	6. Cover The Open Wounds

I stare at him, waiting for his response, and when he finally does speak, it comes out in a growl, "Who the hell told you I killed him?"

"Don't play stupid," I reply, "I _saw_ you drown him in the pond out back. I saw it from my window. Did you forget I was home sick that day?"

He shakes lightly in anger, "Shut your mouth, brat."

I lean against the wall, wincing, "Why should I? It's the truth. I _saw_ you! You drug him outside and then you pushed him into the water. You held his head down until he stopped moving. You _killed_ him! _Admit it!_ Admit you _killed my little brother!_ Say it! Say _it!_"

He glares at me hatefully and he walks up to me and hits the wall right beside my head. He leans in close and growls, "Yeah, I did it. You better learn to hold your tongue boy, or you will wish you were never born."

I glare back at him and mutter, "I already do."

He grunts and pushes me to the floor. He kicks my stomach and frowns, "Get out of my sight."

He then leaves the house and I groan, pushing myself back up. I slowly get to my feet and, leaning against the wall, make my way back to my room. I frown at the bed, fresh anger rushing through me and I trip the bed and throw all the sheets and covers into the laundry, to be done another time. I sit on my bed and look at the clock. Ten o' clock. _It's already ten? So I've been hurt by that man for about an hour, and another hour went by when Dad hit me with the belt.._

I frown, _That man took an hour from me. I still hurt.. _Moving from my room, I go to the bathroom and stare into the mirror. I don't like what I see there. I see a beaten, defeated kid. I don't want to be that. I never wanted to be that. But, at least it was me and not Ven. I hate to say it, but I'm glad he's dead, so he can't go through what I am right now.

I look away from the mirror and instantly my eyes fall on a razor. I stare at it for a few minutes, then I pick it up, "Hmm.. I wouldn't want to forget this night.. Heh..."

I chuckles darkly, shaking my head and I carefully take the blade out of the razor and I hold up my left arm and I cut a vertical line across my pale skin. I wince and groan as the pain hit me fresh. I put some toilet paper over it and hold it there, staring at it as the white paper turns red and soggy. After awhile the cut stops bleeding and I throw the paper away.

I go back to my room and close and lock the door, _Why am I locking it? Dad has a key. _I shrug to myself and leave it locked. I lay on my bed on my side, wincing still, and I set my alarm clock for thirty minutes early so I can take a shower before school. I slowly drift off to sleep then. The alarm goes off at six a.m. and I get up slowly. I turn the alarm off and scramble around in a sleepy daze as I gather clothes I want to wear to school. _A long sleeve shirt, I need a long sleeve shirt.. _

Once I have my clothes I go into the bathroom to take a shower. I gasp in pain and step out of the hot water. I groan and step back in, I have to do this. After I finish my shower and I get dressed. I grab my bag from beside the bed and my phone off the dresser and I head outside to the bus. As I'm waiting, my phone buzzes and I squint at the lit screen.

A message from Axel, again, asking if I'm okay. I sigh and text back, again, that I am, and slip the phone back in my pocket. The bus comes and I take my seat in the very back. I mentally curse myself, realizing my IPod isn't in my bag. I sigh and slump down in my seat. _How could I be so stupid? I left it somewhere in my room. I thought it was in my bag.. _I stare out the window until Axel takes my attention by dropping down beside me, "'Sup?"

I sigh and look at him, "not that much.. You?"

He smiles, but it falters, "Nothing."

I frown, What are you hiding? I shake my head, chuckling, "As uneventful as always, eh?"

"Hey!" he laughs.

I laugh lightly in return and bring my attention back to the window.

"Hey.." Axel's voice is soft and I try to ignore him. He puts a hand on my shoulder, "Is everything okay?"

_Should I tell him about last night?_ I absently pull the sleeve of my left arm down over my hand, "Not... Exactly.."

_No._ He leans closer to me and my cheeks heat up and I frown. He speaks softer than before, so no one else can hear, "Did you have another dream? About Ventus?"

_Lying isn't that bad, is it?_ I look at him and shrug, "Something like that."

He leans back slightly, "Want to talk about it?"

I shake my head, "Not really. I don't need a support group, Axel."

"You might," he frowns, "They're supposed to be able to help. You should talk to someone, your brother died in your back yard, and you've been having nightmares about being drowned. I think you really should see someone."

I shake my head, "I'm not crazy, just stressed, The nightmares will pass."

To tell the truth, I hadn't had one of those dreams in almost a month, of course, he doesn't need to know that. If I can keep him on my brother's death, I can keep him away from what's happening to me now. I have to do what I can to keep him out of this part of my life. I like keeping him out of it, I like keeping everyone out of it. Not that anyone else is that interested in my life, except maybe my only other friends, which may or may not still be friends. My life is so complicated.


	7. Split Part One

"Hayner! Pence! Olette!" I jog over to my friends, smiling lightly.

Hayner grins, "Been awhile since I saw you! Where you been?"

"Around," I shrug.

Pence chuckles, "How have you been, Roxas? We should catch up."

I shake my head, "I've been good enough."

Olette smiles softly, "I heard you've been having nightmares about your brother?"

_Axel._ I frown, "Who told you that?"

She shrugs, "Axel did."

_Knew it._ I sigh, "I have, but it's fine."

She hugs me and I wince, pulling back, "Don't.. Do that.."

She looks hurt and I look away. Her voice is soft, "Roxas?"

_My back still hurts._ I look back at her, "Sorry, Olette."

She frowns lightly, "Are you okay?"

I nod, "Yeah, fine."

She nods slowly, "Good.."

I messed up. I sigh, "sorry, I'm just not feeling too well. How about we all do something after school, like we used to?"

Olette smiles, "That'd be great."

"Yeah!" Hayner says, throwing his arms up.

"Yeah, it sounds awesome!" Pence smiles.

"Am I allowed in this little hang out?" Axel asks.

I turn to him, "Sure."

I smile lightly and he smiles back, patting my back. I hiss in pain and back up, cursing myself again when he looks at me with a worried expression. I cough lightly, "I fell down the stairs this morning, didn't turn the lights on," I shrug, "I'm just a little sore on my back right now."

_Here I go, telling more lies. _Axel seems to relax, "Ah, you should be more careful."

I nod, "I will."

_He doesn't suspect me? Good. _He nods back, "So, uh.. What's going on after school?"

I shrug again, "I just wanted us to hang out, since we don't get to much anymore."

"Who's fault is that?" Axel's voice was soft, but it stung. I look away from him, frowning, "You know what? You four can hang out. I have somewhere else to be after school."

"Roxas!" Olette reaches for me but I move away. I walk away from them then, turning slightly in time to see Olette glare and mutter something to Axel. I turn back forward and keep walking. _Maybe it is better to have no friends at all. That's what I'll have to do. Just drop my friends. They'll be better off without me anyway. Right? And then I won't have to worry about whatever makes me feel weird when I'm around Axel. This is the way things have to be now. I can't afford friends. Too many lies will have to be told. I don't want to be the reason for their unhappiness, too. Like I was for Ventus._

My eyes cloud over, "I'm the reason you died that day. The anniversary of Mom's leaving.."

* * *

><p><em>"Roxas!" Ventus grabs my hand, "What are you saying?"<em>

_I pull away from him, glaring, "I'm saying, I don't want you! All you ever do is whine and complain! It's your fault Mom didn't want to stay!"_

_He backs up, tears filling his eyes, "You're lying!"_

_"Am not," I reply, "I'm not like you." _

_He shakes his head, "Stop it! Tell me what's really upsetting you!"_

_"Nothing is," I say, turning from him, staring out the window, "I just don't understand why Mom left me here. I don't like you, or Dad. I wanted to go with her."_

_"Rox..." Ventus' voice was soft as he walks up beside me. He puts his hand on my shoulder and I turn and push him away, "Stop it! I don't want your sympathy!"_

_He stands, looking mad, "I'm trying to help! Why won't you ever let me in?! I'm always here for you, and you don't care! You need to know you're not alone, Roxas! I go through this, too, you know! I have to just sit by and take the beatings, just like you! Don't shut me **out!**"_

_I growl and smack him, "You brat! You think I don't know?! You think I don't freaking know we live in hell?! Stop throwing that in my face! This is why I don't like you! You think you're better than everyone! Well guess what, you're not! You're just a little bratty kid! Why do you look like me when you're nothing like me at all?! I hate you, Ventus!"_

_He stares at me wide-eyed, "Roxas..."_

_"It's not my fault Dad's freaking lost his mind!" I scream, "It's not my fault he can't take rejection!"_

_"Roxas, stop it," he shakes his head, "You're just upset about earlier, you need to calm down."_

_"He's just as messed up as you are!" I scream._

_The door slams open and Dad stands there, eyes dilated and red. He growls at us, "Which one of you brats is talking about me?"_

_His voice was low, and dark. It scares me. Ventus straightens up and looks Dad in the eyes, "It was me."_

_Dad squints, "Which one are you?"_

_I move to object to Ventus' words, but he speaks first, "It's Ventus, Dad. I'm the one talking about you. I'm tired of the way you've been treating me."_

* * *

><p>Anger was clear on Dad's face, and he grabbed Ventus' arm, dragging him from the room. I was frozen in place with fear. I watched helplessly as my brother was taken outside. I stood at the window, wide-eyed as my father shoved him into the pond, and held him down. I watched him flail and kick, trying to get out. I watched him move until he didn't. I watched him lie dead in the pool as Dad made his way back inside. I watched him kill my baby brother and I did nothing. Ventus died because of me, and I did nothing to save him.<p>

I run into someone and I stumble back, blinking hard. I look up at Seifer, who's glaring down at me. I groan softly but all he does is tell me to watch where I'm going, and he walks off, pulling Namine along behind him. She catches my eye, then quickly looks away. I stop, looking after her. _There was something in her eye for a minute when she looked at me. It almost seemed like fear.._


	8. Split Part Two

_The door slams open and Dad stands there, eyes dilated and red. He growls at us, "Which one of you brats is talking about me?"_

_His voice was low, and dark. It scares me. Ventus straightens up and looks Dad in the eyes, "It was Roxas."_

_Dad squints, "Which one is Roxas?"_

_I stare at Ventus, wide-eyed. He keeps talking, his voice unforgiving, "He's the one right there. He's the one talking about you. He says he's tired of the way you've been treating him." _

_Anger is clear on Dad's face and he grabs my arm hard, making me whimper. He ignores my noise and drags me from the room and down the stairs. I almost fall twice. He opens the front door and goes out, still dragging me behind him. He takes me around the house to the back. My eyes widen upon seeing the pond, _He's not going to...? _He spins me around to face him, "I'm going to teach you not to disrespect your elders, boy."_

_"Dad, I-!" I didn't get to finish my sentence because Dad pushes me into the pond and when i come up for air, he pushes me back under, keeping me down by putting his hand on my head. I yell for help, which only makes me lose my breath. I kick and flail, trying to push his hand off somehow, but I can't get free. I look through the water and see Ventus at the window of our room. He stares at me and I yell for him, he just stands there._

_Little black shadow-like hands reach up from under me and wrap around me, pulling me down more. I fight against them, but I can't get out of the water. My chest tightens up and panic sets in. _I'm drowning! Let me up, Dad, I'm drowning!_ I struggle harder then before to get up, but I can't get Dad's arm off my head and the shadow hands claw at my skin, wrapping around my arms, legs, and torso,. pulling me under. _

_The pain in my tightened chest increases and I cry out, only to lose the rest of the breath I had in me. I stop fighting and Dad finally lets go. he stands, smirking down at me from above the water. I blink slowly, no longer having the energy to move. The shadow hands wrap around me fully and drag me further under. My eyes catch Ventus' face once more and he stares down at me in hate. _

I told you I hate you.. I didn't mean it. There's still time, right? You can come down and still save me, right? Right?_ My eyes slide closed and a single word in Ventus' voice is all that's left for me as I"m pulled under the earth of the pond's bottom: "No." _

* * *

><p>I cry out, shooting into a sitting position in my bed. My chest hurts and I gulp in air. I put a hand to my head and sweat pours down my face. I lean over the side of the bed, trying to calm myself down. <em>It's been months since I've had that dream. Why did it come back now? Why? <em>I groan softly, sitting up again and I look at the clock by my bed. It's three-thirty in the morning. I take in a shaky breath and stand, wincing. _My back still hurts like hell._ It's been two days since Dad hit me with the belt, or at all.

He hasn't even been home. I sigh and pace my room, my eyes lingering on the window, outside the window, at the pond. I shudder, imagining Ven's body still there, eyes open wide in panic, his lifeless body laying beneath the water for two days, waiting to be fished out by the police. Dad left him there and reported him missing the same day. The cops came to the house two days after the report was made and found him there.

Dad told them he must have fallen in, that he couldn't swim. He was wrong. Ventus had been a great swimmer. I was the one who couldn't swim, still can't. I shudder again and look away from the window. I sit on my bed and pick up my phone. I dial Axel's number, but quickly delete the dial pad. _I'm cutting him lose, like the others, remember? No friends. No weird feelings. Nothing. I'm alone, like I need to be. _I set the phone down and lay back on the bed, "I need to sleep. I still have school tomorrow."

I woke at six-thirty and groan, having slept horribly after waking from the nightmare. I just had the dream again. I get up and slowly get my stuff together. I get dressed in another long sleeve t-shirt and jeans and I grab my bag, looking for my IPod.

"I know it was in here the other day.." I frown, _I can't find it._

I search the rest of the room and still can't find it. I groan and head downstairs to catch the bus out front. I wait outside and watch the bus pull down the street. When it gets to me I get on, taking my same seat in the very back. I sit my bag beside me so Axel can't sit there and face the window. I wince and lean forward slightly, keeping my back off the seat. The bleeding may have stopped, but contact still hurts like hell.

Axel gets on the bus three stops after I do. I ignore him as he comes down the aisle. He stands by my seat and I just stare out the window. He may have said my name, but I'm not sure. He sets my bag on my lap and sits by me. I frown and stay facing the window. He definitely says my name this time and I still ignore him. He places a hand on my shoulder, "Roxas? Is everything okay?"

I shrug his hand off, wincing at the movement and say nothing in return. He sighs and leans back. I look at him slightly, but enough to see him slide a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He asks me to open the window so he can smoke, but I don't move. My frown deepens, _Axel quit smoking after Larxene was put in jail. _He grumbles lightly and stands over my, opening the window. I face heats up again at him being so close, his torso stretched over me. I frown and look away from his body and glare out the window. _I don't want this stupid feeling!_


	9. Split Me Not

I shudder, watching the same man from the last time hand Dad money. He leaves and I look away, then back at Dad. He stands in the doorway, counting the money and he catches my eye. We stay like that, unmoving, staring, for a few moments before he looks away, mumbling something about dinner. I open my mouth to ask him what he said, but closed it again. He leaves and I sigh. A week passed since Dad came back the day I had the nightmare about drowning and this is the second time this week that man has raped me.

I grunt softly and push myself off my bed. I grab some clothes to wear to bed and I go to the bathroom to take a shower. I close and lock the door behind me and I gasp in pain as I pull my shirt over my head and toss it on the floor. I wince and turn around, trying to see the cuts on my back. Most of the cuts are scabbed over and some have broke open, bleeding lightly when I move too much. I groan softly and finish getting undressed. I freeze, catching a glimpse of my slit arm as I discard my clothes in the dirty clothes basket.

Two vertical cuts show on my pale skin. I grit my teeth, "Three times," and I pick up the razor and cut another line into my skin. I put the bloody razor in the tub and turn on the water before stepping in myself, turning on the shower as I close the curtain over the tub. I let the hot water run down my head and back, wincing and hissing softly in pain. The water feels good, but it hurts, too. I shudder, leaning my hand on the wall to keep me upright. Blood drips down my arm and my back and I close my eyes, trying to control my heavy breathing.

After awhile I finish my shower and I get out and get dressed for school. I grab my bag from the side of my bed and head out to the bus, which I almost miss. I take my seat and groan, knowing I can't keep Axel away from me, he just won't stop. That's been confirmed all week. When his stop arrives, I calmly watch him come down the aisle and plop down beside me. He smiles and I smile back lightly, "Hey.."

"Hey, yourself," he grins, "How 'ya been?"

I shrug, "Okay enough.."

He nods, "Makes two of us."

"What?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "Forget about it."

I shake my head now, "No, tell me."

He frowns, "Why? Because you've been such a good friend and have told me everything that's bothering you? I'm not stupid, Roxas. I can see you're trying to make me go away, and that's why I never do. Understand?"

"Not.. Exactly.." I mutter, staring at him wide-eyed.

He shrugs again, lighting a cigarette I didn't see him get, "If you want answers from me, I'm going to need answers from you. Fair trade, right?"

I nod slowly, "Okay.."

"And no lies this time," he eyes me suspiciously, "Because I know you've been lying to me."

I swallow and no, "Okay.."

He nods, "Right, so, what do you wanna know?"

I sit up straighter, ignoring the protests of my injured back, "Why are you smoking again?"

He smiles lightly, "You noticed."

I frown, "It's not like it's a big secret, Axel."

He shrugs, "'Course not. Ahem, the question. Why am I still smoking?"

I nod and he continues, "Well, while you were off in 'Roxas Land,' I have been dealing with some stuff of my own.. Last week, I came home from school to find my mom passed out on the floor. I found out she'd been doing drugs again. I called her in, and since I'm seventeen, I was able to stay at the house alone. And that's what I've been. Alone. So yeah, I picked up smoking again, to calm my nerves. Nasty habit, I know."

I stare at him, "Axel.."

He shakes his head, "Don't feel sorry for me, Rox. I've got this all under control. The smoking's temporary, I promise. I'll stop it once things get back to normal, sort of."

He coughs then glances my way, "Your turn to spill it. Hmm, I see dark circles around your eyes, you're paler than before, and then there's that story about you falling down the stairs, which is a load of shit. Explain 'Falling-Down-The-Stairs' lie."

I look away from him, _Guess I didn't fool him as well as I thought I did. Should I tell him? Lie again? What do I do?_

"If you're thinking about lying to me, don't. We can't be friends if you keep me at arms length," he says.

I look at him and swallow, "Right.."

_Guess I have no choice now.._

He nods, "Right. Now spill it."

I look around, to make sure no one's close enough to listen, and no one is, they never are. We're the only ones who sit in the very back. I look back at Axel and take in a big breath, "About my back.. The reason it's hurt so bad..." _Don't be like this, he just shared his secret with you, so return the favor! Return the favor!_ I shut my eyes and take in another breath, "The reason..."

I open my eyes to see him watching me. Something passes through his eyes that I don't catch. He touches my shoulder lightly, "Take your time. We have all day."

Did we? I nod and sigh, looking him in the eye, "The reason my back hurts so bad is because... I... A week ago.. I..." I groan and frown, Why can't I say it? Don't be a wuss, Roxas! Just tell him that your dad's beating you! I swallow and lick my lips, trying to force the words out my mouth, "Last week... I... Ugh! My dad beat me with a belt last week!"

I said it quietly, but it felt like I was shouting. My chest hurts and I don't know why. I look up at Axel and he's staring at me with wide eyes. He frowns then, his green eyes narrowing, "He... What?"

I look away, my voice barely audible now, "He beat me with a belt."

Axel stares at me, "Is that.. The first time he's done that?"

"With the belt?" I don't look at him, "Yes."

"Has he.. Hit you before?" he asks.

I nod slowly, "All the time.."

_One of my secrets are out, and I can't take it back now. And now that Axel knows, I can't ditch him like I planned.._ He puts a hand on my shoulder, "It'll be okay."

I narrow my eyes at him, "You can't tell anyone. Promise me you won't tell anyone."

He looks pained, but nonetheless, he promises.


	10. Hatred

Axel hasn't said a word about my Dad beating me with the belt all week, and I guess I'm grateful for that, but things feel different now, worse. He won't talk to me, and he's smoking more. I try over and over to get him to talk, but he just shakes his head at me and walks away. I don't know why things are like this now, I thought they'd be better, but I guess I was wrong.

I catch Axel at lunch, "Wait."

He turns to me and grins that familiar grin that gets my heart racing. I ignore that and glare at him, "Why are you ignoring me?"

His smile drops, "I'm not."

"You are," I reply, crossing my arms, "And I want to know why, right now."

"I.. Roxas, you have to understand the position you've put me in," he frowns, turning to me fully.

"And what might that be?" I ask.

He frowns, speaking softly, "About your home situation.. You made me promise not to say anything, and I've kept that promise. But I'm worried about you."

I shake my head, "Don't be."

He looks away from me, "What if...?"

I lean forward lightly, "Yeah..?"

"What if he kills you?" he asks softly, I almost don't hear him.

I frown, remembering Ventus. I shake my head, "He won't."

"How do you know that?" he asks.

I shake my head again, "I just do. You have to believe me. I'll be fine."

He sighs, crossing his arms, "fine. I believe you.. Let's.. Just get some lunch, okay?"

I nod, smiling lightly, and he grins again, "Good, 'cause I'm starving!"

That grin gets my heart racing again and I ignore it as I follow him to the lunch line. I know this won't be the end of this conversation, but I'm glad for a little breather in-between. After we get our lunch, Axel and I sit at our old table, with Hayner, Pence, and Olette. Olette smiles and waves at me and I wave back, sitting across from her. Pence just smiles and Hayner tries to put me into their conversation.

I try my best to keep up, but my mind is elsewhere. I look around as Axel keeps my friends, our friends, occupied in a conversation I'm not listening to. I don't know what I'm looking for until I catch eyes with Namine again. She glances my way and smiles lightly, waving slightly. I wave back and she quickly turns back to Seifer when he says something to her. I frown and turn back to my friends.

I try to listen to their conversation, but I just can't tune myself in. So I just settle for eating my food and barely listening. I rub my left arm absently, frowning. _Why is it so itchy?_ I rub it a little harder, trying to get rid of the itch. I glare down at my arm, openly scratching it beneath the white long sleeved shirt sleeve. I hiss lightly when my scratching breaks one of the scabs on my cuts and it bleeds.

Olette's the first to see and she gasps, "Roxas?"

Now all the eyes of my friends settle on me. I don't make eye contact, "Yeah..?"

Axel grabs my arm, pulling the sleeve up. I hiss in pain again and yank my arm away, "Stop."

I pull the sleeve down just as the first half of the three cuts are shown, the middle one bleeding. No one says anything, but they're all staring at me. I grab my tray and stand, "I'm going to the library."

I leave before they can stop me. I dump my tray and quickly leave the cafeteria. I cringe and make my way down the empty hall, heading for the boy's room so I can stop the bleeding. _How could I be so stupid? Now they know I'm cutting! _I get in there and yank my sleeve up. I grab some paper towels and press them against my slit skin and groan, _How could I be so stupid? _

The bleeding stops and I frown at my sleeve, "Well, this will get unwanted attention. There's a line of blotchy blood on my white sleeve. I'm an idiot."

I quickly head to my locker and grab my sweater out of it. I force the jacket on quickly, grabbing my back pack from the bottom of my locker. Skipping the last three periods won't be that bad for me, I'll catch up quickly. I look around to make sure no one sees me, and I run out the front door while the school secretary isn't at her desk. Once outside, I head home, going anywhere else would be stupid.

When I get home, two cars are in the driveway. I frown, recognizing Dad's only. I roll my eyes, Another person who's going to pay to hurt me. I'm not going in. I turn around and just as I'm about to bolt from the yard, the front door slams open. I cringe as my dad calls me to come in. I turn slightly, glaring at him, "No."

"Get in here, boy," he growls.

"No," I reply, "You're just going to let someone hurt me again. I'm not going in there so I can get raped again."

Dad looks extremely angry and when he comes at me I turn and run as fast as I can from the yard. He's faster than I expect and he grabs the hood of my jacket and he literally drags me back towards the house. He drags me into the living room then slams the door shut. I groan softly and sit up, glaring at him. He glares back at me, "You do what I tell you, boy."

I hear snickering behind me, and surprise, surprise, the same man from the other three times, is behind me. I glare at him and he just grins at me. I look away from him and glare again at my father. He leans against the door, arms crossed, glaring back at me. He stares at me with cruel indifference. I glare back with hatred, because that's all I feel for him. _Hatred._ He doesn't love me. He just wants to hurt me.

"Why do you do this to me?" I ask.


	11. Pain

Dad doesn't answer my question. He just glare at me for a few minutes before walking past me, telling the man behind me that he can have me now. The man laughs and walks towards me. Dad leaves the room and I quickly get up and run for the door. The man grabs the back of my jacket by my hood and he yanks me back towards him. He turns me towards him and then pushes me on my knees.

"For making me wait, you're going to suck on me," he says.

I push away from him, "I won't! And besides, school isn't over for another three hours, so don't try that shit on me again!"

He glares at me and runs towards me as I push myself to stand and run for the door again. He grabs me again and slams me against the door. Leaning hard against me, his breath hits my head. It's disgusting. He leans down slightly and speaks into my ear, "I'm going to make you scream this time, Roxie."

I wince at his words, and what he calls me. I shiver and try to move, but he has me pinned against the wall harder than he pins me to my bed. Using one hand he presses me to the wall while he uses his free hand to pull my jacket off. He then swiftly takes my shirt off and leans on me again. He chuckles, his breath hitting my ear, "I'll make you want it."

"I won't _ever_ want this," I reply.

He just chuckles darkly and he reaches around me and unbuttons my pants. I try to push him away, but he laughs and continues his work. He forces my pants down and I shudder, wishing he'd just leave me alone. He pushes into me and I cry out in pain. I shiver and moan against my will. He snickers and presses me against the wall hard as he thrusts inside me over and over and over.

This pain is worse than the other times. He's pushing on me harder, moving in me harder. My body can't take this, it hurts so much, tears fall down my face and I yell and moan, shaking horribly. My rapist laughs at me and keeps to his work. I feel like I'm going to fall, yet he keeps me standing by keeping me pinned. _I don't want to die like this! _He leans on me, still moving in me and he reaches around me and starts touching me.

I try to push his hands away but he won't stop. I can't make him stop, someone has to make his stop! I gasp and he chuckles, removing his hands from me since he got what he wanted. I moan as he cums inside me. I shiver and he laughs, moving away from me. I sink to the ground, staring at the wall. He laughs loudly and yells out, "I'm done now, Cloud!"

I shiver again as Dad replies, "Then pay and leave."

I don't turn towards them, just scoot away from the door and put my clothes back on. _I feel so dirty.. Worse than before.. _The man leaves and Dad pulls me to my feet. I look up at him and he glares down at me. I shiver again and he looks away from me. _That look again.. Is he.. Feeling guilty? _He looks back at me, "Clean up the mess on the door you made."

I nod slowly and he leaves. I sigh and go to the bathroom. I wet a cloth and I set it on the sink. I pull my sleeve up and pick up the razor. I pull the blade from the razor and slice a line beside the other three. I glare down at my wrist and cut another line under the very first. I cut three more lines beside that one, making a column of cuts along my wrist.

Staring at them, watching them bleed, I just get angry. H_ow did this become my life?_ I sigh and press toilet paper to the cuts, staring at the kid I see in the mirror. The kid that I've become, that I shouldn't be. _Why is this my life? If Mom had just taken Ven and I with her this wouldn't be my life and Ven would be alive.. Why did she have to leave? _

The bleeding stops and I pull my sleeve down. I get the wet rag and go back tot he living room. I clean the door then go back to the bathroom to throw the rag in the dirty clothes basket. I go to my room and grab something to wear to bed and I head back to the bathroom to shower. After I get done with my shower I head back downstairs to get my backpack.

I groan softly, seeing Dad stumble around the living room drunk. I stay at the edge of the stairs. He turns to me and frowns, "What.. Do you want..?"

"I just came down for my bag.." I reply.

He looks at my backpack and frowns, "Get it, then."

I do that and begin to drag it up the stairs when Dad calls me back. I let my bag lie on the stairs and I go back to my drunken father. I stand in front of him with a stern look, "Yes..?"

He frowns at me, swaying lightly, "Vexen told me you kept trying to stop him."

_So that's his name.. _

"Of course I was trying to stop him!" I yell angrily. "He was _raping_ me!"

Dad smacks me hard across the face, "Don't raise your voice at me. Roxas, you _will_ stop trying to go against Vexen. He's paying a lot of money to have sex with you."

I just stare at him, then I say, "Are we that much in debt that you have to _sell_ me to freaks like him?"

Dad smacks me again then pushes me into the wall. I groan when my back makes contact with it. He moves to me and punches me in the stomach. I grunt and fall to the side. I look up at him and he glares down at me, "We are not in debt. Now go to your room and stay there the rest of the night. No dinner for disobedience."


	12. I Really Am Sorry

"Damn, Roxas. You look horrible," Axel says, his eyes huge and worried.

I shake my head, "It's nothing."

He frowns, sighing, "I thought we agreed not to lie to each other anymore? What's got you so down?"

He touches the fresh bruise on my face and I wince away from his touch. He pulls his hand back and sighs some more, "This is a two-way street, Roxas. You have to give me something to work with before I can help. And with how you have my arms tied, I don't see that I can help if you don't allow me to."

"I won't let you call the cops," I mutter.

He leans against the seat and closes his eyes, "Oh, Roxas.."

I frown at him, "What?"

"You're never going to get better if you don't allow help," he replies.

I shake my head, "All cops are going to do is send me to a foster home in another place, and I don't want to have to move."

"If it took you away from your drunk father, I'd say do it," Axel opens his eyes and they fix on me.

I shake my head, "I'm not worse all the fuss."

Hurt appears in his perfect green eyes and I have to look away, his eyes making me feel guilty for thinking this way. When he speaks again, his voice is soft, coaxing, "Everyone is worth something. No matter how big or small the worth, everyone is worth it. Trust me, Roxas, you _are_ worth getting help."

I look back at him and he's dead serious. I mutter an apology and he shakes his head, "Don't need one. But, Roxas.. You have to start telling me the truth. I know your dad beats you, but something else is going on with you. I can tell just from _looking _at you."

I glare at him, somehow angry for him reading me despite my tries to stay hidden, "Oh, yeah? And what do you see?"

He leans towards me, eyes narrowed and dangerous, yet perfect and amazing. I shake my head, shaking the thought from my brain and he speaks: "I see a broken boy with dark bags under his eyes, too pale skin, who is nothing but skin and bones. I see that you wear long sleeves all the time, even though summer is right around the corner. I see you're hiding something all the time, I can see it in the ways your eyes shut down when I try to see into them. Your eyes, Roxas... They say it all. You used to have such bright, vibrant, blue eyes. And now.. They've become so dull and stormy blue, like you've already abandoned ship with no hope for survival. Roxas, when I look at you, I see someone who needs help, but is too scared of the outcome, to ask for it."

I don't know what to say, so I say nothing and he asks me one simply horrifying question: "It's not your dad beating you that's making you look like this; so what is it?"

_Do I tell him? Do I open up completely and tell him everything? Will he overreact? Will he call the cops? Can I trust him to keep this secret, too?_ I stare into his eyes and find no trace of anger, just sadness. _He really does want to help me. So, what do I do? _He stares at me, awaiting my answer to his question, if I even decide to answer it.. He's right, though. I am afraid of the outcome of my future, I'm afraid to ask anyone for help because I don't want to have to start over, to have to be comfortable with someone new. But this, my biggest secret? No, I can't share this, not even with him.

To answer his question, I simply shake my head, "You're wrong, Ax. My dad's the only problem I have. And maybe Seifer."

He sighs, looking relieved, but there's something else there, in his eyes, too. Does he believe me? Then he smirks, "I can take care of Seifer for you, if he's that big of a deal."

I snicker, "Nah, I can take him."

He grins, "Like you took him before?"

I laugh, "Exactly!"

That makes Axel laugh, and we're both sitting in the bath of the bus, on our way home from school, laughing like nothing in our lives are bad. We're laughing like we did before Ventus died, and before Dad became a drunk, and before Mom left. We're laughing like before I was caged, and it feels great to pretend to be somewhere else in time.

* * *

><p>"You just love to kill my happiness, don't you?" I growl at my father after Vexen leaves.<p>

My father stares at me with cruel, dark eyes. Then he growls back, "You will not speak to me this way."

He slams me into the wall, breaking a few scabs on my back, causing bleeding that I can feel as my shirt gets wet at certain places in the back. I grunt when he slams me against the wall and I glare at him, "Did you ever push Mom around like this? Is this why she left?!"

I regretted it as soon as it left my lips. Dad throws me the floor and kicks me in the stomach as hard as he can. I yell and cry in pain, but he doesn't stop. He keeps kicking until he tires himself and he leaves the room, heading for his bedroom, I guess, leaving me here on the living room floor. I lay here, cradling my injured torso. I gently lift my shirt and groan at the huge black and blue bruises already forming. _I guess some showed up while he was still kicking. _

I lay on the floor until I feel it's safe to move. Then I get up and slowly make my way upstairs. I go to the bathroom, planning to shower. I grab some clothes from the dryer and set the shower. After I've showered, I head to my room, carrying the razor blade I always use, from the bathroom. I close and lock my door. I hear Dad's car leave the driveway. Good, he's gone for the night.

I sigh and glare down at my arm, at the ugly slashes I put there. Staring at them makes me think of the pain Vexen caused me, and how Dad always lets it happen. It makes me think of how I have to lie to my best friend to protect my father. It makes me think of how Mom left and wouldn't tell me why. It makes me think of how Dad beats me and I never got an answer, no matter how many times I ask. It makes me think of Ventus, and how I let him die.

Overwhelmed with all thew feelings swirling around me, I take the blade and slice right through all eight cuts in out diagonal line, reaching from my wrist to my elbow. Watching all the blood pour out makes me dizzy. The next thing I know, I'm laying on my side, on the floor, staring at my still bleeding arm. My phone rings and I reach for the bed, trying to grab it. I end up knocking it off the bed and onto the floor, beside me. I answer the call, but don't say anything.

"Roxas? Are you okay? You haven't texted me all day," Axel's voice reaches me.

I swallow but it doesn't help my dry mouth, "Ax... I... I'm... Sorry... Axel..."

"It's okay.. Hey, you don't sound so good. What happened?" he asks.

"Sorry.. I... I..." I try to form words, but everything's spinning, getting dark.

My body feels numb and soon I can't feel or see anything at all. I hear one thing, a voice, before I go completely under. It's Axel, calling out for me. _I really am sorry._


	13. Try To Fix It

_Am I dead?_

Sirens and flashing red lights.

_Is this what it's like to be dead?_

Morphed voices talking over me.

_Just blackness and pain with strange sounds assaulting my eardrums?_

Lifted then set back down.

_Is this really what death is like?_

Moving, yet I'm not.

_Just blackness and pain?_

Swim to the light, back to consciousness.

_A shimmer of light, a glimpse of a face, of red hair._

Back to the unknown dark.

_Try again for the light that's too far._

Green eyes, big and wide. Red hair, unkept.

_Fall back under._

All that's left for me is a phantom voice: "Roxas, stay with me, now."

_Ventus' voice? No, it's someone else.. Someone I knew.. Someone I once hid nothing from. Someone whom I can't say I love._

* * *

><p>"-can't <em>believe<em> you'd let this happen! Oh, wait, I _can!_ You didn't even _call_ me when Ventus died!"

_I know that voice. Dreamed I'd hear it ever since this all began._

"You wouldn't have called me about this, either, would you?! The only reason I'm even here right now is because I'm still on his emergency contacts! But if you had your way, you'd take me off, wouldn't you?"

_Am I still dreaming? I must be. Whoever she's talking to isn't talking back._ Slowly, my eyes open and the bright white of the ceiling greets my tired eyes. I can hear a constant beeping to my left and her voice coming from my right. I turn my head towards her voice and there she is. Perfect ebony hair tied into a bun, sharp brown eyes narrowed in concentration of the conversation at hand. And before her, just standing there, looking very unhappy to be listening to her rants, is my father.

I sit up lightly, my eyes wide. When I speak my voice is hoarse and ugly, but it gets her attention, "Mom?"

Tifa turns to me and gasps, "Roxas!"

In a moment she's by my side, hugging me, "Oh, my god, I've missed you!"

I hug her back with one arm, which is when I notice the tight bandages around that same arm.

"I missed you, too," I mutter, my eyes finding my father's.

He just stares at me, arms crossed, he doesn't look happy. I look back at Mom and she smiles, tears filling her eyes. I smile lightly, "Sorry you had to see me this way."

Instantly her face falls and she looks sad and hurt, "Roxas... Why did you try to kill yourself?"

That sent me aback. I swallow, looking down at my bandaged arm, "I.. I didn't.."

She frowns, taking my chin in his hand and pulling my face up gently to look at her, "Please, you don't have to lie. If you wanted to take your life, it's okay to tell us."

I lean away from her, "But I wasn't."

She looks sad still and I shake my head, "I wasn't. Really."

Mom sighs, sitting on my bed now, "Then what were you doing, taking a razor to your arm? I've seen the marks, Roxas, I just don't know the story."

_And you never will._ I look away from her and she turns lightly to glare at my father, "What have you done to him that keeps him so silent?"

I look back at her in astonishment and she keeps talking, "I don't trust you with him anymore, Cloud. I left the boys with you while I got my life together, and what did that leave me? One son less. I'm not letting you lose Roxas, too. After he can leave the hospital, I'm taking him to live with me."

I stare at her in awe now, _She's taking me away. She's finally come to take me away! _Dad grunts, "You can't just do that."

"Can if I build a good enough case, prove living with you is a danger to him in some way, shape, or form," she replies.

_Don't have to try hard for that, I can get Dad arrested right here and now by telling you my biggest secret. I will tell you everything if it can keep me from what's been going on. If you can come home or take me with you, I'll spill my guts to whoever you want me to. _

"Good luck with that, he won't speak against me," Dad says, glaring sneakily at me.

I stare back at him, _What makes you think I won't tell? I have a place to go now, I have nothing to lose now. What do you have? _

"We'll see," Mom huffs, "For the time being, until Roxas' state of health is figured, I'm not going anywhere, so don't get too comfortable. I'm going to dig up all your dirt, Cloud, and when I do, Roxas will come with me, like he and Ven should have when I left in the first place."

Her voice softens, saddens, "What fool could I have been to leave them with you? Now Ventus is dead, and Roxas tried to kill himself."

I open my mouth to say that I hadn't, but thought better of it.

She shakes her head and turns to me, smiling, "I have to go now, but I'll be back soon, I promise."

I frown, _That's the same thing she said when she left._ She leaves and I watch her, after she's gone my eyes settle on Dad. He frowns at me, dark blue eyes narrowed. _He's sober, his eyes are clear now._ I take the chance while he's not drunk to ask the question he never answers under the influence, "Do you hate me, Dad?"

He frowns, looking away from me, "A lot of the time I think I do."

I sit up straighter, "Why? I do everything you tell me to. I deal with what you've become, but you can't keep bending me, sooner or later I'm going to break for good, Dad."

He looks at me, that guilt is in his eyes again, "You are so much like her. You both were. I can't handle that. I can't handle her anymore, she's just so different. It's like I never knew her at all. I know I don't know you anymore."

My voice is soft, my eyes softer, "Then why don't you try to fix it?"

His eyes harden and I wince at his tone, "Because what's broken can't always be fixed. Don't do anything stupid, Roxas. You're staying with me."


	14. Two Weeks of Hell Starts Now

A week passes while I'm stuck in the hospital, and the only visitors I get are Mom and Dad. That is, until today. A nurse comes into my room and I glance her way from my bed and she smiles pleasantly, "Some people are here to see you."

I open my mouth to ask who they were, but I had no time. As soon as she stops talking, Hayner, Pence, Olette, and Axel practically shove their way into the room. They stand beside me and for a moment everything is sill, silent. I stare back at them, and Olette is the first to speak, "We're so glad you're okay, Axel told us you were in the hospital!"

As I suspected, Axel did call the ambulance, and of course, he told. My eyes zero in on him and I ask, "Are they the only ones you told?"

Axel frowns lightly, hurt shining, just barely, in his eyes, "Yes. Hayner, Pence, and Olette are the only ones I've told."

I nod slowly, "Thanks."

He nods, looking away from me now. _I need to trust him more._ I sigh and Olette sits on the side of my bed, "I don't know why you're here, and I won't ask. I just want you to know I'm here for you."

"Me, too!" Pence says, smiling, "Friends forever, man!"

"Exactly!" Hayner says, pumping his fist into the air.

Olette smiles, standing again, "That's right. What are friends for, if not to be there for each other?"

I can't help but to smile at my friends, "Thanks guys. All of you."

Axel looks back at me, as if asking if he's included. I give him the subtlest of nods and a small smile comes to his lips. Seeing him smile makes my heart speed up a bit and I look away before my face can get red in front of my friends. After awhile my friends leave, including Axel, which I wanted to stay so I could thank him for saving me, without everyone else in the room. I guess that'll have to wait for another time.

Mom and Dad come into the room and they don't look happy. I look at them, but they're glaring at each other too much to notice me. Finally Mom breaks the tense silence, "I can't believe you intend to keep him from me!"

"He's _my_ son," Dad replies.

Mom looks like she wants to hit him, "He's my son, too. So was _Ventus!_ And where is he, huh?!"

Dad stiffens, glaring at her. She glares back, "Exactly. Which is why Roxas will be coming back to Radiant Gardens with me."

"You can't take him, he's perfectly fine here," Cloud says.

I frown, _Perfectly fine? What world are you living in, Dad? Obviously your own. _

"Which is why he's in the hospital, right?" Mom growls softly, "I won't keep debating this with you. You've kept me at bay long enough. I'm tired of calling you, hoping to talk to him or Ven, but you never answer. I'm not giving you the chance to keep taking him from me."

"_You left._ You don't get to be his parent anymore," Dad replies coolly.

_And you get to? With everything you've been doing? _I can't say these things aloud.

"I'll give you two weeks with him after he gets out of the hospital, then I'm taking him home with me. No exceptions," she replies, then she walks out of the room.

Dad's eyes zero in on me and I shrink away from his gaze, or I try to. He grunts softly, "The woman's mad. You're not going anywhere, and that's final."

"She doesn't seem to think so," I say, "And if you hate me so much, why do you want to keep me so bad? Is it so that guy Vexen can keeps giving you money? Because that's just sick."

"Shut up," he growls, smacking me once, hard enough to snap my head to the side. He then turns and leaves the room as well. I shake lightly and stare at my lap. _I really do hope Mom takes me with her. _

* * *

><p>The next day I'm able to go home, so Dad drives me back to his house. He says nothing the entire way home, but neither do I. As we pull into the driveway, Dad says, "You're grounded for this little stunt you pulled. I'm taking your phone and IPod. Get them from your room and take them to me. Also, you wont' be leaving the house unless you're going to school."<p>

"But the doctors said I needed to go to a support group," I try weakly.

Dad glares at me through the rear view mirror, "Fine. But only for an hour, then get your ass back here."

I nod quickly, not wanting to fight him. It's a miracle he's even letting me leave the house at all. We go inside, and as instructed, I give him my phone. He frowns, "And the IPod."

"I don't have it. I haven't been able to find it for awhile now," I reply.

He smacks me, knocking me down, "You lost it?!"

I hit the ground with an "oof" and stare up at him, "I don't know.."

He kicks me in the stomach, "I'll have to punish you another way, then."

Just then someone knocks on the door. Hoping it's Mom, I look to the door, and when Dad opens it, my heart sinks. It's Vexen. Vexen smiles at Dad, "Is he back yet, Cloud? I've been waiting all week."

Dad moves from the door to let Vexen in and when Vexen sees me his smile grows, and it's sickening to look at. Dad glares at me and tells me to stand, and strangely enough, I do. Vexen hands Dad a one-hundred dollar bill, but Dad shakes his head, "The price is now three-hundred."

Vexen glares at Dad, "What? It's always been one!"

"So?" Dad replies, "Now it's three. So pay up or get out."

Vexen frowns, "If I give you four, can I keep him all night?"

My heart skips a beat.

"Five and you get him all night," Dad replies, "The price is now five."

Vexen frowns, but pulls out his wallet. He hands Dad four more one-hundred dollar bills, then he turns and grins at me.


	15. Caged

Four-forty-five in the morning I put on my jacket. Heading downstairs I don't know where I'm going. All I know is that I've had enough, and that I want out. If I can just make it to Axel's, he can help. He'll be able to help me, and I'll tell him everything._ Everything. _I leave the house and jog lightly through the morning darkness in the direction of Axel's house.

Running, is that all I'm going to do now? I don't care if it is. Running is better than being stuck. So I run. I run until dawn lights the sky. I run until I can't anymore. Standing in the middle of the road, I can see Axel's house in the near distance. Just knowing I'm close to finally getting out makes me smile. I start walking again and frown when I hear a car.

I turn to see it's Dad's car racing towards me. My eyes widen, "Shit," and I turn and sprint towards Axel's house. The car zooms past then turns and parks directly in my path. I groan softly and I run around the car just as Dad steps out. He yells at me to get in the car, but I keep running. He runs after me, and I push my body to run faster. _Faster!_ Dad comes up behind me and grabs one of my arms and pulls me back.

As I'm pulled back, my back hitting his chest, he wraps his free arm around my neck. I push against him and he growls, "Knock that shit off!"

I keep pushing against him, kicking his legs, trying to escape. He starts dragging me back to the car and I use my free hand to try and pry his hand from my neck. I can't do it. I settle for biting his hand. He swears loudly and let's go. I rip my arm from his grasp and make a mad dash for Axel's house. He runs after me again, screaming at me that I'll really get it now.

I keep running but Dad catches up again, grabbing my hood, "Bite me again, brat and I'll fucking kill you!"

"_Axel!_" I scream, trying to get some help, "Axel! _Someone!_ Help me!"

Dad yanks me back, knocking me off my feet, and he then proceeds to drag me across the ground, kicking and screaming, back to the car. I quickly unzip my jacket and slip out. I stand quickly and run again. Dad growls and comes for me yet again. _If only I can outrun him! _I push myself to run as fast as I can run, _I just have to outrun him! _I yell out again, and Dad covers my mouth, wrapping his other arm around my waist, forcing me back.

I try to fight against him, but he doesn't let go. I try to kick and hit him but it doesn't help. Dad slams me against the side of the car, hard and he growls at me, "I'm getting real tired of your shit, boy."

I glare at him, "So kill me."

He hits the car beside my face, I wince. He glares at me with such hatred and then he grabs me by my shirt, then pushes me into the car, slamming the door after I'm in. I try to open the door again, but Dad gets in the front seat and turns to me, "Don't try this again. We're not done here, and you will be punished. Don't be stupid, Roxas. If you don't quit all this, you're going to regret it."

I glare back at him, "I already regret my life. But who's fault is that?"

He reaches back and smacks me. I groan softly and he turns back around and drives us back home. I stare out the window, tears filling my eyes. I will them not to fall in the presence of my so-called father. _I almost made it out. _We get home and Dad pulls me from the car and drags me inside. He then throws me on the floor, slamming the door shut, "I've really had enough of you."

He goes tot he kitchen, _Probably to get a beer_, and I stand slowly. My eyes widen when he comes back with a knife. I walk backwards, trying to stay away from the knife. My back hits the door and he just comes closer. He grabs my arm, the one without the cuts and he smirks, "You like cutting yourself, right?"

I shake my head but he just laughs, "Now, don't lie. Obviously you do, look at what you did to your arm. If you like cutting yourself so much, let me help you."

He makes a slash on my arm. I yelp and gasp as the blood swells up then drips down my arm. He laughs and makes another slash across the first, creating an "X." I try not to cry, but fail. He laughs at my tears, "Why are you so upset? You like doing this, right? What? Does it hurt?"

"Yes.." I moan in pain.

He chuckles and shakes his head, "Really, Roxas, man up. You can't cry over this, you've done it more than just this. You can't cry yet."

He makes more slashes along my arm and I yelp, "Stop! Please!"

He throws me to the floor, "Listen and listen well, brat. I make the rules, and you follow them. If you try to run or defy me again, I'm going to make you wish you weren't born."

_Already there._ I nod slowly, lying on the floor, covering my bleeding arm, trying to stop the bleeding. He leaves me there and I groan, It hurts so much.. I never registered the pain for real before, but now... I groan and sit up. I slowly stand and make my way back to my room. I stop and go to the bathroom first, to help my arm. I clean it with a rag after I stop the bleeding with toilet paper then I head back to my room.

I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling, "This is all I am. I can't escape, I know that now. I'm caged and I can't get out."


	16. Help Us Help Ourselves

"Who did this to you?" Axel's eyes narrow on the cuts my father made.

I pull my jacket sleeve over my arm and Axel puts a hand on my shoulder, "Now, Roxas, don't be like this. You promised to stop hiding things from me."

"When did I make that promise?" I sigh, "Dad did it, okay?"

Axel's eyes widen, "Roxas..."

"I'm fine, Axel, I promise. So, uh.. You came to take me to a support group?" I ask.

He nods, rubbing his eyes, "Does your dad know? I'd hate to get you in trouble."

"He knows. He doesn't care. Let's go," I say, getting in the passenger seat of his red pick-up truck, "By the way, where did you get this? I thought you couldn't drive?"

"It belongs to my dad. He's staying at the house again. On-off when it's convenient," Axel sighs, "He says I can use it, he doesn't care if I drive, as long as I don't get pulled over."

"Oh," I frown, "Do you even have a license?"

"Will next week," Axel grins, "Don't look so scared. I'm a decent driver."

We get to Twilight Town's rec center about ten minutes later. Axel takes me in and I look around wearily, pulling my jacket sleeves over my hands completely. My eyes widen lightly and I tug on Axel's arm, "Is that Zexion Sprat?"

Axel looks around and finds Zexion talking to a young man barely older than Axel with dark hair. He nods, "Yeah, Zexion's a regular here."

"Yeah..? Who's he talking to?" I ask.

"Oh, that's Zack, he runs the group," Axel replies,.

"He's barely older than us.." I say.

"Yeah, he is, but he's smart, he knows how to handle things," Axel shrugs, "Maybe you should talk to him, too."

Axel pushes me forward and I walk slowly, now able to hear what Zexion is saying to him, "...Yeah, but I handled it. The right way, like you taught me."

"Really?" Zack looks pleased, "You didn't cut your arms?"

Zexion shakes his head and holds his arms out, pushing his sleeves up. Zack inspects his arms and smiles, "No new ones. I'm proud of you, Zexion."

He pats Zexion's back and then Zexion nods and wanders off just as I get to Zack. He turns and smiles, "Welcome to my support group for troubled teens. It's not as bad as it sounds, I promise."

I can't help but smile lightly. Zack returns my smile warmly, "How can I help you?"

"This is Roxas, he's with me," Axel walks up to us and Zack smiles at him, "Glad to have you back, Axel."

Axel nods and Zack turns back to me, "So, what brings you here?"

I shrug, "My doctor says I have to. Thinks I tried to kill myself.."

I mutter the last sentence and Zack nods, "I get it. So, why don't you tell me about yourself?"

"Well.." I frown, "What do you want to know?"

"Just.. Anything really. I like to get to know the people I support," Zack replies.

"Oh," I mutter, "Well.. Uh.."

A bell rings and Zack smiles, "Maybe next time. It's time for group to start. Everyone take seats, please."

I turn to see four people sitting in a horseshoe shape and Axel and I sit with them, pulling a chair for me from the corner of the room, as Zack sits in the front of the group. I end up sitting beside Zexion, who looks at me and smiles lightly, "Hey.. I see you around school.."

I nod, "Yeah.. We're in a few classes together.."

_Why do I feel so bad for not noticing he has problems that make him want to hurt himself? Am I that involved in my own life that I don't notice anyone else? And Axel's been here before.. _

Zack claps, "We have a new member here today, let's introduce ourselves. As everyone knows, I'm Zack Fair."

The girl on Zack's left, Kairi I think, waves at me, "I'm Kairi, nice to have you here."

I smile lightly, "Hi.."

The boy beside her smiles, "I'm Sora."

"Riku," the boy beside him says.

Zexion is next, and he smiles lightly, "You already know I'm Zexion Sprat."

My turn. I look around, "I'm Roxas Strife."

Axel holds a hand up in greeting, "Name's Axel."

I notice an empty chair beside Axel, and just as I' about to ask who's seat that is, Namine Hail comes into the room. She smiles shyly and takes the seat by Axel, "Sorry I'm late, Zack."

Zack shakes his had and smiles, "No need to be sorry, I'm just glad you're here."

Her eyes find me and they widen lightly, "Right.."

I waves at her slightly, "Hey.."

"Roxas, this is Namine Hail," Zack introduces her to me.

I nod slowly, "I know.."

"Okay, so now that everyone's here and recognized, let's begin. Who would like to start?" Zack asks.

_Start what? _Kairi raises her hand, "I would. I think I'm progressing. I stopped hiding from my ex. I actually talked to him today, he looked so surprised."

She smiles and Zack nods, "That's good. Getting over the fear of being hurt again can help you move on with your life."

I whisper to Axel, "Why is she here?"

"Kairi? Her ex-boyfriend raped her I think. I don't know who it is, she never said his name in here," he replies.

I nod and listen as she keeps talking, "I know, and I've been trying."

"I think you're doing very well. Anyone else?" Zack smiles.

Zexion raises his hand, "I.. I'm handling the people that bully me by ignoring them and just being with my friends.. I haven't... Cut.. In almost a week."

"That's great, Zexion," Kairi claps.

Zexion blushes lightly and looks away, his hair covers his face. I smile lightly and Zack calls for another person to speak. Axel's the one who raises his hand next, "I confronted my mom about the drugs today. She promised to try and get clean."

"I'm proud of you, of all of you. I can only help you so far, it's you who has to do the real work," Zack smiles at everyone, "Now, who wants to speak now?"

"I will," Namine says, raising her hand lightly.

"Go on, Namine," Zack encourages her.

She swallows, "Well... I.. I don't think I've made much progress.." She rolls up her sleeves and I can see bruises on her arms. I stare at her, eyes wide. She continues to speak, "I try to tell him not to kiss me in public, but he.. He never listens. He gets mad at me and he hurts me."

"What are you planning to do about that?" Zack asks, "Do you want to stay in a relationship where he hurts you because you don't do what he wants?"

She shakes, looking at the floor, "I don't want him to hurt me... But I.. I don't know what to do.."

Namine starts sobbing, covering her face and Zack gets up and leads her to a different room. I stare after her, then stare at the floor. S_he really needs help. I can't just stay involved in my own life. Namine needs someone to help her, but she won't tell anyone else. She barely wants to say anything here. I have to help her. I can't just let Seifer beat her like this. _

I look at Axel, "We have to help her."

He looks at me and smiles lightly, "Do we?"


	17. Show My Feelings and Tell My Past

**A/N: There's only two chapters left to Caged, so read and review kindly!**

**Xion, out!**

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><p>"Have you figured out how you want us to help Namine get away from Seifer?" Axel asks as we get in huis truck for group.<p>

I shrug, "Not really. I've been... Kind of busy.."

"What happened?" he asks immedietly.

I sigh, "I... I got raped again.. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. But it'll be okay. It'll be over soon. Mom's going to take me to Radient Gardens with her on Saturday."

Axel starts driving, his voice is somewhat soft, "I'm kind of happy and sad, you know?"

"Yeah..?" I look at him, but he keeps his eyes on the road, "You're moving, and I'll lose you, but then again.. You're getting to be free."

"It's not like I'll just stop talking to you, Ax. I'll always be your friend," I smile at him and catch his smile in return.

"I'm glad to hear that, Roxas, I really am," he says.

_There's this feeling again. I like it, but I don't. I don't... Want this feeling to go away.. I... I think... I really like... Axel. More than as friends. I... I have to tell him. Before I move, I have to tell him..._

"I'm..." I frown, my mind running from me now.

"Yes?" his eyes switch between my face and the road.

_I should tell him... I have to tell him... _I don't know why, but I stay silent the entire trip to the rec center. My mind is jumbled and I can't think of what to say. We park and Axel turns to me, "Roxas, what do you need to tell me?"

I turn to him, my face heating up, and I take a deep breath, forcing the words out, "Axel, I think I like you!"

I stare at him and he stares back. His eyes are wide, and he's still. I stare, face heating, body trembling,_ Did I just make everything worse? _He leans forward lightly, "Roxas..."

I swallow, my nerves jumping off cliffs, "Y-yes...?"

A smile forms slowly on his lips, "I like you, too."

I blink, dumbfounded, "You... You do? Like... More than friends?"

He nods, "Very much so. I have for awhile."

My eyes widen, "No.."

He nods, "Yep. But, of course, big dumb Axel couldn't risk appareances, could he? Nor throw this at you with all you've been going through lately."

"Axel..." he's so thoughtful, "What do we do now? I... I'm moving.."

He sighs, smile fading, rubbing the back of his neck, "I don't know, Rox. I don't have all the answers, kiddo."

I sigh, "Of course not. You know.. We could.. Try long-distance dating..?"

His eyes light up, "Seriously?"

I shrug, "Of course."

He smiles lightly, "That could work. I could call you every day, I could even come see you sometimes."

I smile at him shyly, "I.. I'd like that."

I know I'm blushing, but I don't care now. He knows my feelings, and for once, I'm happy again, truly. Axel sighs, "Well, group awaits, we'd hate to be late."

"Right," I get out of the car and follow Axel inside. We rush to our seats and I realize neither Zexion, nor Namine are here. I frown lightly as the bell rings and Zack calls our attention, "Anyone who didn't talk last week is talking this week. Is everyone okay with that?"

Sora and Riku say in union, "Sure."

My eyes widen, _He wants me to talk in front of everyone? _Zack smiles, "Sora, go first, will you?"

"Sure, but uh, why isn't Kairi and Zexion here, do you know?"

Zack shrugs, "Neither gave me means of contacting them, so no. I do hope they're okay, though."

"Me, too.." Riku frowns.

Sora sighs and shrugs, "Okay.. So, uh.. I'm doing fine. My cousin doesn't bother me anymore. I do talk to him sometimes, but most of the time, I just ignore him."

Zack nods, "That's okay. Slow progress is progress still. Riku?"

Riku shrugs lightly, "Nothing to really say. Mom and Dad still fight over the whores Dad brings home most nights."

"They still live together, even with that?" I ask.

Riku glares at me, "They're in the middle of a divorce, so yes. Custody isn't too fun to discuss, either."

I look away as Zack says, "Just try speaking to them."

"I do. They never listen. It's like I"m invisible, and I don't really mind that," Riku replies.

"Very well, then. Roxas? Would you like to share?" Zack asks me.

_What do I say? The truth? Half of it? Most of it? What? _

"Go on," Axel says softly.

I nod slowly, "Okay.. Uh.. Two years ago.. My parents split up.. My Dad started drinking... And he.. Started hitting my brother and I.. A lot... I.. On the first year anniversery I was so angry at my father.. I was yelling at my brother, blaming him... My Dad heard me... He came into the room, but he was so drunk... he couldn't tell which one of us had said it.. We were twins, you see... My brother, Ventus... He... He told Dad he said it... I was so afraid of my father that I watched him drag my brother outside... He... Pushed my brother in the pond behind our house... I watched him kill my baby brother..."

Tears fill my eyes, whole truth it is then, "Dad started hitting me a lot more after that. I couldn't do anything that wasn't worth a beating and it hurt so bad... This went on for a year. This year... The beatings weren't as brutal, but something... Made my life worse."

Axel pats my back, "You don't have to keep talking, Rox."

"He's right. What you've said is quite enough. I don't want to upset you more than I already have," Zack looks sad and I wipe my eyes, nodding. Zack sighs softly, clapping his hand once, lightly, "I think that will end this week's session. I hope to see you all and the others next week. Be safe and be happy."

I follow Axel back to the truck and he smiles softly, "You did good. I didn't think you'd say all that. You didn't have to.."

"Sure I did," I shrug, "It feels good being able to talk about it, even to virtual strangers."

He shrugs and starts heading towards my hoyuse, "I'll pick you up for school in the morning, okay?"

I nod, "Okay.."


	18. Happy Endings For Everyone But Me

Mom will take me away in a metter of two days. I can last that long. I'll finally have a life worth living. I should be happy, but I'm just not.. _Why is that? What's so wrong with me that I can't enjoy the coming freedom?_ Axel honks the horn on his dad's truck. I sigh and put on my jacket, grabbing my backpack as I leave the room. I pass Dad in the living room and frown, "Dad? Since when are you up so early?"

"Just go to school, Roxas," Dad runs a hand through his hair and growls softly, "Damn woman thinks she can come into my house whenever she wants to."

"Mom's coming over?" I ask.

"Yes," he pushes me towards the door, "Go to school already, I don't want to look at you right now."

I frown, but leave silently. Axel waves me over and I run to the truck. I go around and get in the passenger seat. He starts the vehicle and we head to school. He glances my way, "How're you doing this morning, Rox?"

I shrug, smiling lightly, "I'm good. Mom's coming over today, it'll be great to talk to her."

"He's actually letting her come over?" Axel asks, looking surprised.

I nod, "Right? I'm surprised, too."

He shrugs, "Could be good, right?"

"Right," I look out the window.

Axel graons, "I left my binder at home. Mind if we go back for a sec?"

"I don't mind," I say, "Go ahead, wouldn't want you to get detention for not having you're homework. Again."

I grin at him and he laughs, "Right, right. The great Roxas Strife always gets his homework done."

"I do," I chuckle.

He chuckles back as he turn down a road, and finds his way back down our road. He parks the truck and smiles at me as he gets out. I sigh and watch him go inisde his house. I look around the truck and find his backpack in my floorboard. Noticing the bag isn't all the way zipped, I pick it up to zip it for him when I notice what's inside. I tilt my head, "Where did he get this?"

I pull a handgun from his bag and frown, "Why does he have this?"

I hear Axel's front door close and I quickly shove the gun in my bag, zipping his quickly and tossing it back in the floor. Axel gets in the truck, handing me his binder, "Mind holding that?"

"Oh, I'll just put it in your bag," I say, reaching for the black bag in the floorboard.

"No!" he gasps, then chuckles uneasily, "Don't bother."

I glance at him as he looks away from me to start the truck, _What is this all about, Axel? _It doesn't take long to get to school, and when we do, we strangely part ways. I frown and venture to my locker. I find Namine at my locker and I tilt my head, now standing in front of her, "Something you wanted to tell me? Oh, why weren't you at group last night?"

"Oh, Mom wanted me to stay home," she shrugs, "And actually, yes. I do have something I want to say to you."

I nod, "Go on."

She shrugs lightly, "Just.. Thanks."

"What for?" I ask.

"Axel told me you wanted to help me. So, thanks. I told Mom what Seifer had been doing to me. She called the cops and I had to fill out papers and stuff. That's why I wasn't at group. Anyway, Seifer was arrested," she replies.

I smile lightly, "That's great, Namine. You'll be okay now."

She nods, then she kisses me on the cheek lightly, "Thanks."

I watch her walk away in awe. School passes in a blur. I can't concentrate on anything with so many things running through my head. Axel, namine, Mom, Dad, my life, Ven's.. Before I know it, the final bell rings and I'm walking from the school's parking lot. I look around for Axel, but I can't find him. I notice his truck's still in the parking space from this morning. I roll my eyes, smiling lightly, _Guess he got detention anyway. _

For some reason, I didn't want to ride the bus, so I decide to walk home instead. It takes a long while before I even get to my road. Walking at my own pace, I stare up at the clear blue sky. I smile lightly, "It's really nice out today."

Nice days pass by without much notice, how sad. I know I hardly ever notice anymore. Mom should be at the house by the time I get there. That brings a real smile to my face I haven't had in awhile. I remember some times that I'd forgotten how to smile all together. Then I'm with Axel. It's easier to smile around him, to be myself. I stiffen, _What was that? I swear I heard someone behind me._

I turn around but find no one there. I turn back around and continue walking, "I must be losing it." After a little more time of walking, I hear someone behind me again. I stop and turn, but still, I see no one. I frown and turn back, walking faster now. _I know someone is following me! Who would follow me, though? _I hear the grunching of gravel besides my own steps and it freaks me out.

I'm being followed. I walk faster now, short of running, I'm trying desperately trying to get home. I'm scared, I've never had this happen before. Still walking briskly, I turn to see who's behind me, but no one is there. I come to a stop, "Was that just my imagination?"

My frown deepens and I continue walking. I sigh in relief when I see Axel's house come into view, I'm almost home! It saddens me to see Axel's isn't there yet. I sigh softly and keep walking. The crushing gravel sound is back, and I slow my steps to see if it's just mine. It isn't. _Run! _I swallow and walk faster again, but ti doesn't help. Someone grabs me from behind and just as I'm about to shout, a cloth covers my mouth. I breath in and everything gets hazy. My limbs start to feel very heavy. _I... I know this... Scent..._ As soon as the thought comes to my head, everything goes black.


	19. Forever Caged No More

**A/N: This is the last chapter of "Caged!" I hope you dear readers have enjoyed it thus far, and if you haven't, that's okay, too. If I get enough feedback on this chapter, I might do an epilogue soon. So, look forward to that. Please r****ead and review kindly!**

**Xion, out!**

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><p>Locked in the basement of a house I've never seen before is cold. Everything's cold; The floor's cold, the walls are cold, even the air in the place is cold. It's uncomfortable and it feels like death. I wish I was dead, really. I've been down here for almost a year now, handcuffed by one hand to a pipe sticking out of the wall. My backpack is left across the room, way out of my reach. My clothes are over there, too.<p>

I hate my life. I want to die. Every day after I was taken, I've just wanted to die. To freeze to death, starve to death, anything. Anything but what I constantly have to deal with here. That deranged man says I belong to him now. He says no one will find me now. I'm stuck here now. Trapped. Caged yet again. Caged forever, it seems. When one way out appears, someone comes to take it away from me. Why do I have to live this way? Why can't I be like everyone else? _Live_ like everyone else? Why am I cursed to this forever nightmare?

I used to hope I'd somehow find a way out of this, but with every passing day, I don't think I ever will. If hope was something I was ever allowed to have, I don't have it anymore. I'm determined to die here. I've been here a year, my birthday passed months ago, no one has found me. I have no hope now. There's nothing left by death for me. This is my life, my reality. I truly am cursed, aren't I?

Sometimes I dream of being home, with Mom and Dad and Ventus. I dream everything's okay; That we're a happy family like we used to be. Those dreams are haunting me now. I can't have that life again. I know that, but I can't escape it. I still see my brother's face, his memory is always with me; Good and bad. I still remember it's my fault he's dead. I swear, if I could apologize to him, I would. If I could go back and save him, I would.

If I could just go back and listen to Ventus.. If I could go back and call the police when Dad first started hitting us like he said we should, I would. I would do whatever it took to bring him back, to spare him the pain I kept for him. I hated him for having hope, dreams.. I was really just angry at myself, for not having those things. I still don't have them, and I'm still angry. I turned to blaming Axel for my anger, and for my pain.

It should have been my father I put all that pain and hate on, but it wasn't. I resented him, I still do, but there's nothing I can do to change my life. I can wish and hope all I want, but I'll never get the life I wanted, if I even deserved it. This is my life now. I'm the sex slave of a psycho rapist until I die. Can't that day be today? I don't know how much more I can take of this. I don't' want to take anymore. I want out, one way or another. Death of freedom. I'm betting on death.

The door to the right opens and Vexen comes in. He smiles at me and I look away from him. He chuckles and walks over to me. He then crouches down and grabs my face, making me look at him. I growl softly and he just chuckles again. He's staring at me and it's making me very uncomfortable. I want to tell him to leave me alone, but the last time I did that, he hurt me. Not that it matters, he always hurts me. It just hurts a little less when I do what he wants.

"You look horrible, Roxas," he smirks.

I frown, "Maybe that's because I haven't been fed in three days."

"Hm, maybe I should remember to feed you, then," he laughs.

I glare at him, "Probably."

He shrugs, "Maybe I'll remember tomorrow," and he pushes me against the wall.

I grunt softly and glare at his grinning face. I look away from him when he pushes himself against me. I just want to die now. I want this to stop somehow. I try to keep still as he does what he always does to me. I fight back sounds I don't want getting out. My eyes widen lightly when I notice something fall out of his pocket when he undresses: A key.

That's weird, he never has a key on him, last I knew. Though, the last time I saw that key was when he locked me on the pipe while I was still dazed by the drugs he used to knock me out. _If I could just get that key without him noticing, I could get free after he leaves... What am I doing? Hope won't save me. He probably locks the basement door when he leaves anyway. getting out of the cuffs won't save me. _Nonetheless, I quickly grab the key with my free hand and stuff the metal into my mouth since I have nowhere else to hide it.

After he gets finished with me, I wait for him to leave. Once he's gone, I take the key from my mouth and unlock the cuff keeping me to the pipe. I stand slowly, my legs shaky. I groan softly as my stomach resists the effort to use energy and I try to quickly make my way over to my clothes. I dress as quickly as I can in my weakened state and I grab my bag and open it, the gun should still be inside, right?

It should be, I've never seen him go through my back pack. I pull the handgun from the bag and smile softly. The door opens and I quickly put the gun in the back of my pants, turning to face him. He gasps, then growls softly and runs towards me. I gasp and try to get away from him but I'm not fast enough. He slams me against the wall and I gasp, "Let go.."

"I don't think I will. I told you, you belong to me now!" he replies, "What should I do with you? I have to punish the pet for trying to run away."

I hopelessly struggle against him, "I'm.. Not your pet!"

"Aren't you?" he grins, pushing me to my knees, "You do as I say, and I'll let you eat. Now suck me."

I look away from him, glaring at the floor as he unbuttons his pants. I frown, _The door's open, I have a gun.. If I do as he says, I can shoot him when he goes to leave. I can be free._ I do as he says, trying not to gag and after I'm done, he grabs my arm and pulls me to my feet and starts pulling me towards the pipe, muttering about how he has no idea how I escaped the handcuffs. I grab the gun and shoot him in the back.

He yells out in surprise and falls forward, releasing my hand. I hold the gun up with both hands, the gun is shaking in my hands, but I don't quit shooting. I shoot him until there's no more bullets left in the gun. I drop the gun and grab my back pack. I leave the basement and the house and come outside to release I'm only a couple miles from Twilight Town. I try to find the way out of the town I'm in. _It's over. I can be free. If I can make it to Twilight Town, I can find Axel. I can get help. I can _live.


	20. Dear Little Brother

**A/N: The promised epilogue! Read and review kindly, for this is the end of the story! ^^ **

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><p>Dear Little Brother,<p>

A year passes, and suddenly all the problems are gone. The people I knew who no longer know me. The people who swore to be there for me can't remember my face. Family are strangers living in a new light. Just a shadow cast upon a sleepy town; No one sees me, knows me, remembers me. I can stand right in front of the people I knew since I was a kid, and they won't give me a second glance. No one remembers the people they don't miss.

I thought I was somebody. I thought I had friends, family, someone to love. I was wrong. Rain helps hide my existence as I walk through the town I grew up in. Heavy rain, dark skies, a shadow on the wall. I walk through crowds of people, people I know from school, but they don't see me. Hearing laughter, I go to the familiar lot I used to hang out in before my brother died.

I see my friends laughing, playing in the rain. Hayner, Pence, Olette, Axel. Even Namine is there, too. They're all laughing and running around, having a good time. Where am I? Standing at the edge of the lot, leaning against the wall, watching them. My hood covers my face mostly so I know they don't see me. I want to go to them, to talk and be like them again. But I've changed. I'm different now.

I'm not the person they knew. Even if they saw me, they wouldn't. I've passed people I've been close to already, not even a second glance was given. No one remembers me because I was never there. I'm a fading memory, if that. I'm just a shadow in the background. I smile, knowing I got what I wanted. I've faded into the background, and now I'm going to stay here. Watching my friends laugh, it makes me smile.

_At least they're happy now. I can't drag them down anymore._ I turn from the lot and continue my walk through the town. Originally, I wanted to head home, to see if my father was there, to see if he had changed, but I stopped. Across the street I see them. Hand in hand, my mother and father. Mom laughs at something he said, holding an umbrella over them. Dad smiles at her, I can see his eyes. I see them happy, like a memory. Most of all, I can see he's sober.

Like a memory, my parents are happy together. I missed a lot in the past year, and I'm glad. Without me there, they seemed to have fixed themselves. I don't know how, but I don't care. As they walk by me, I'm glad to see them happy. I turn from my path and go back. Only one thing left to check before I can completely fade. I have to see you. You were the only real good thing in my life, and I miss you every day.

As a final part of my old life as Roxas, I have to see you in your final resting place. I go to the cemetery and I go to your grave. This place of final sleep is empty, yet beautiful. The rain is beautiful in this place. Finding your grave is easy, and I smile down at you. So many things I want to say run through my head, but I can't think of what to say, so I think I'm going to say it all. Right here, right now.

I love you, Ventus, I always did. I know I constantly told you I hated you, but I lied. I hated myself for my weaknesses. You were always so full of hope, and I hated the fact that I wasn't. I hated myself, because it was all I could do. I wanted to be the one to fix things, but I let everything get out of control. I was mean to you because I hated that you still found happiness in this twisted life of ours.

I was stupid, and childish. I can never be the person you were, though every day I wish I was. You gave up your life for me, and I would kill myself over and over again for eternity if it would bring you back to me. I know I can't measure up to what you were, I only fall farther from grace every day. I swear I would die for you, even though I couldn't then.

I was a coward, too afraid to stop him from killing you that I just watched it happen. If I could go back and save you, I would. I know hoping doesn't help, and I'm sorry I was weak, I know I'm stronger now. I'm strong enough to live as nothing. It may not mean much to you, but it means something to me. You know I killed a guy. He hurt me, and I killed him. I know you never liked violence, but I won't apologize.

I know this hurts, but I'm glad that you're dead. You being dead means that you couldn't be hurt like I was, and I'm thankful every day for that much. I would never let anyone do those things to you. I did stupid things, you know. I hurt myself, and I tried to get rid of my friends. I thought if I was alone, I could survive, but I wasn't strong enough, not yet.

I'm stronger now, and that means everything. Ventus, you're my baby brother, and I've always loved you. I wanted to save you, but I was scared. I don't exist anymore, and that's okay. Because I'm just what I wanted to be: Uncaged. I've been released from the pain of my old life. I get to watch the world from new eyes, I can see how the world's changed, and how I've changed now. I'm alone, but I'm free.

Goodbye, little brother. I'll see you soon.

Big Brother.


End file.
